Ok, I get it. Loud and clear. I cannot push myself as hard as I have done.
My immune system crashed and I got a bug, I spent a week fighting it and then a week recovering. I will still fight hard to get myself back on track but I have learnt my lesson too many times not to push myself over the edge. Rest does not make me weak, it just helps make me stronger. I feel like I've taken a load of punches recently, the slightest things seem to be bothering me more than they usually would. I have been spending all my time doing completely nothing and I really don't think it's good for me. I just want to hide until everything goes away.
Last week I made the decision to come off my medication (Pregabalin, Lyrica) because I HATE it and want to try something else. I have been on it since June, I got up to 300mg a day but it wasn't doing barely anything for my pain and I was suffering from pretty much all the side effects! I have gained 10kg, my hair was falling out like crazy, I sleep like all time time! And don't even get me started on what it does to 'fibro fog', sometimes I really have to think about whether I'm awake or dreaming!! I am sick of not feeling human anymore. Time has been slipping away from me recently and I blame Pregabalin for that. I am only half way through coming off and I haven't noticed much difference so far. I do feel more alert and my sleep is a lot more disturbed, I have also had a big problem with my skin hurting, this isn't a usual for me but it's just so sore to touch and feels bruised all the time but other than that there has been no change.
The other week when I had a bug was the first time I have been ill since I had norrovirus in January which is really what set my fibro off big time. Bugs are definitely a lot meaner on fibros! Every joint in my body ached when I got up in the morning and every muscle felt pulled by the time I was dragging myself to bed. To be honest I should be less shocked that it took me a week to recover. I feel like I experienced what it's like to be 80, I'm telling you, at 19, I am not ready for that! All hail flu jabs for pensioners!!
I will end here before I smash the laptop for hurting my legs. I promise you all I'll stop pushing too hard.
Big sighs and big smiles.